07 July 2011

The 'Finally Blogging Again' Award

I am currently cleaning out my room in preparation of my move to Evanston in a few weeks where I will be attending Wizard Camp for a PhD in Awesome.

Mostly I am being forced to sort through piles of clothes I don't fit into and old cords and computer junk that my tech hoarder inclinations previously prevented me from throwing away (I found a ZIP drive which I am pretty sure no one used even when it was remotely cutting edge).

However, I did uncover a wonderful treasure trove in the form of a box of high school writing assignments and various other memorabilia. In the interest of promoting child literacy, I will be painstakingly retyping and uploading choice samples from this for your amusement whenever I can be bothered to.

Also in the box were the paper plate awards I received after my church production of Jekyll and Hyde (in which I played the Right Honorable Sir Archibald Proops - *SPOILERS* he gets murdered by David Hasselhoff). For those of you not familiar with this venerable thespian/sporting tradition, these are awards given typically by the older members of a group to the rest of the cast/team.

It is a very serious and solemn occasion, and as a graduating actor, I had the privilege of both attending the creation ceremony, and receiving the following accolades:

  1. The 'X(' Award: In honor of my character's fate, tastefully displays a dead stick figure in a pool of blood.
  2. The 'So Good in Your Scenes (Is it Method Acting)' Award: In honor of the convincingly effeminate way in which I portrayed my character.
  3. The 'Way to Spill all over the Counter' Award: In honor of my over-excited gesticulation (as a result of method acting) knocking my drink over backstage
  4. The 'Caitlin Chan Loves You' Award: In honor of Caitlin Chan being an awesome friend.
  5. The 'Way to be a Nerd' Award: Not all awards were honors, to be fair.
  6. The 'You Spell your Name with an 'E' you Loser' Award: Kids can be so cruel
  7. The 'WOAH! Ass Ahoy!' Award: I have a big butt, true, but I don't think its so large as to be award-worthy...
  8. The 'How did YOU get a girl like HER?!' Award: Girls who are far nicer, funnier, and prettier than I am keep inexplicably dating me, and the high school girlfriend this refers to was no exception. Perhaps its my aforementioned prize-winning posterior?
  9. The 'Way to Want a lot of Awards' Award: I may have been slightly over-vocal about my desire for many accolades after catching a glimpse of award #7. After all, if you can't get quality, sometimes quantity has to suffice!
  10. The 'Austen Shut Up' Award: Slightly over-vocal may have been understatement...
  11. The 'I Don't Have Enough Awards' Award [Self-Awarded]: Extreme understatement...
And to you, my readers whose loyalty is only exceeded by your imaginary-ness, I present the '10000000th Reader of my Blog' Award.Link